“I feel so good coming out of the coffin.”
These are the words of Zeng Jia, a Chinese student who faked her own death last week.
Why’d she do it?
Other Great Reads: Stripper funerals in China, naked funeral directors in America
It seems Jia just wanted to see what it was like to be at her own funeral.
“It struck me that people spend all that time and effort on someone when they are gone and they cannot appreciate it,” she told reporters.
Fair enough.
What about other great death fake-outs? Here is a short, strange list of how and who…
Publicity for Your Ridiculous Book: “Lord” Timothy Dexter – Born in 1748 and author of a book written without punctuation called, “A Pickle for the Knowing Ones; or Plain Truths in a Homespun Dress”. Some 3,000 people came to Dexter’s funeral. Unhappy his wife didn’t grieve properly he later beat her with a cane. His book was reprinted in eight editions.
Pretend You Jumped Off a Cliff: Ken Kesey – Author of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Kesey faked his own death by leaving his truck parked alongside a cliff near Eureka, California. A suicide note read: “Ocean, Ocean I’ll beat you in the end”. In reality, he escaped to Mexico to avoid being busted for pot. When he returned to California some eight months later he was.
Other Great Reads: How to handle an accidental death
Pretend You Were Murdered by Yourself: William Grothe – He left his wallet and leather jacket alongside a river then a week later called the police and claimed he was the man that had murdered himself. Grothe was eventually found in Missoula, Montana and ordered to pay the $13,000 it cost to search for him.
Flee to a Dangerous Country and Pretend You Were Killed in a Shootout: Gandaruban Subramaniam – His Singapore car rental business went bust in the late ‘80s so he fled to Sri Lanka where he claimed he was killed in a shoot-out in the civil war. His wife claimed nearly a quarter of a million dollars in insurance money. Gandaruban later remarried her in Sri Lanka under a different name. Eventually, he was caught and went to jail, and his wife divorced him.
Pretend to Die of a Heart Attack and Move to Costa Rica: Hugo Jose Sanchez – He worked for HMV, a British retail company but was always short on cash. Sanchez planned to solve this by pretending to die of a heart attack then fleeing with his family to Costa Rica. His employers bought the lie, and his wife got the pension. Then one of his friends tried to use his company discount card to purchase an Elvis CD. When he called Sanchez from the police station the supposedly dead man hung up immediately. The jig was up.
If you don’t feel like following in these famous footsteps, you can always follow the “How to Fake Your Own Death” wiki:
1. Decide whether you really want to do this. Can you just move away? Are you being melodramatic?
2. If you must let anyone know, try an understanding friend who will, for whatever reason, never rat you out to the police.
3. Gradually withdraw money, or, if you’re in a hurry, a massive amount: just don’t clear it whatever you do.
4. Don’t act all fishy beforehand. Also, remember not to use personal laptops, computers or mobile phones.
5. Decide on a death method. Suicide is probably the easiest bet, and while it may be hard for loved ones to stomach, innocent people won’t be accused of your “murder”.
6. Pick a “method” that means there is no body to be found. A common one is jumping off a bridge. Unless you have a clone, it will be impossible to replicate a body with the exact teeth, bone structure etc.
7. Plant a note for your “suicide” and then disappear. Travel out of the city. Start again, with a new identity. Be free.
