Funeral Etiquette — Sending Thank You Notes

Writing Sympathy Thank You Notes after a Funeral

While it may be difficult to write thank you notes at a time of grief, it is important to acknowledge acts of kindness and support.

• A family member or close friend can write the notes on your behalf if you are not up to the task.
• There is no official time frame, but within 2 - 3 weeks of the funeral or memorial service is appropriate.

Who Should Receive a Sympathy Thank You Note?

You are not required to send a thank you note to everyone who attended the funeral/visitation or sent you a sympathy card. However, you may wish to acknowledge something extra such as receipt of a photo of the deceased or a poignant memory shared.

A thank you or acknowledgement note should be sent to anyone that has done something extra, including:

• People who have sent or brought flowers
• Those who made memorial donations to a charity or helped your family financially (do not mention the amount of the contribution). The charity will notify you of donations made in your loved one's memory.
• People who have been helpful in tangible ways (e.g., brought food, provided transportation, done baby-sitting, or assisted with a luncheon.)
• The Pallbearers
• Clergy presiding at the funeral (also receive an honorarium; see Clergy.)

How Do You Remember Whom to Acknowledge?

Recommended Reading

The Mourner's Dance: What We Do When People Die Katherine Ashenburg

One of your most important tools during this time will be a simple notepad and pen.

• Keep it handy, and note each call and visit; do not depend on your memory.
• You can assign a friend or family member to keep this record.
• Be sure to note first and last names and telephone numbers. It can be a great comfort in future days to see the support you were offered.

What Do You Say in a Sympathy Thank You Note?

A simple 1 to 3 sentence thank you is all that is needed. You can purchase sympathy thank you notes that come with a preprinted message or blank note cards for your message. Even if you send the preprinted notes, you should add a brief personal message.

Use phrases such as:

Thank you for your sympathy and kindness …

We deeply appreciate your expression of sympathy …

Thank you for your support at this difficult time …

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts …

Thank you for the support and comfort you provided …

Thank you for the beautiful floral arrangement …

We appreciate your thoughtful donation to ____________ in memory of ______________.

We are grateful for friends like you at this time of sorrow.

We appreciate having you with us at this difficult time in our lives.

See related topics:

What to Say / What to Do
Offering Condolences
Attending Services
Sending Sympathy Flowers
Making Memorial Donations

Go to Funeral Guide — Index of Topics.