Laid to Rest on Her Own Acreage

A couple years back I met a group of gentle people at their favorite pub for a funeral arrangement. Wanda’s friends were stumped that I couldn’t list Wanderer as her occupation, and The Earth as the accompanying industry on her death certificate. After all, this is what she was and what she did. Her friends […]

“Respected Businessman” Draws Laughs

My uncle was a bookie, and he was lucky enough to retire from the business, walking on two feet. However, he did have a bad heart, so he died at around 67. Not having been particularly religious, his wife got a “rent-a-rabbi” to do the funeral service at a nearby funeral home. So the rabbi […]

Brawl Ends With Misdirected Punch – Or Was It?

It was a huge funeral, and the sons of the dead man were dead drunk. I was directing the rosary that evening, and one of the grandsons told me that his uncles were about to start a brawl in the family room. The family room has a glass wall opening onto a patio, and a […]

Preacher Gets Carried Away

I have been a funeral director for many years. I think that one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen at a funeral involved a beautifully dressed and very well-spoken African American preacher who was sermonizing at an upscale funeral. The ladies wore hats and veils and gloves, and the men wore black suits and […]

Growling Stomach Softens a Somber Moment

My nephew Craig had a great sense of humor, and he passed away when he was only 19. At his funeral, the immediate family was all able to go view the body privately. We were all standing around reflecting and saying goodbye, a very silent and somber moment. Then his brother’s stomach growled like I’ve […]

The Minister Didn’t Show So I Did It

Due to a scheduling snafu, the minister didn’t show for my father’s funeral, which was last month. I’d already planned to eulogize him. Fortunately, I had prepared additional “optional” information to use, depending on what the minister would say. I ended up using all of it. While everyone was seated in the funeral home chapel, […]

250 Firefighter’s Attended My Grandfather’s Funeral

My grandfather died in 2007 after a very long battle with prostate cancer. For more than 30 years he had been active with the volunteer fire department where I grew up, serving as its chief for about three decades. He also was the secretary and treasurer for the state and county firefighters associations. The day […]