I recently found out through Facebook that the mother of one of my good friends died. I never heard anything from my friend or anyone in the family. I didn’t go to the funeral because I hadn’t been invited. I heard from another person in our friend group that my friend noticed I wasn’t there and is upset with me. Should I have gone even though I wasn’t invited?
While the loved ones of the deceased may reach out to let people know about funeral arrangements, they do not issue invitations. Generally, personal notification is only made to people very close to the deceased. There are many details to take care of after a death so word of the service is spread via an obituary, word of mouth, social media, or other informal methods.
The best approach is probably a direct one. Contact your friend to acknowledge the situation and express your sympathy. You might also consider sending an appropriate card, flowers, or make a donation in the deceased’s name.
It is quite common to hear funeral arrangements for someone related to a friend after the service has taken place. In these cases, it’s best to talk to the bereaved friend to express your condolences and let him or her know that you were unaware of the situation and that you are there to support them.