Proper standing/seating for immediate family

5 years, 9 months ago

My father in law passed recently. The line up of how we walked into the church and how we sat has been on my mind since. My husband said this was correct but I can’t find anything.
The line went as followed: My husband (oldest son), my mother in law, my brother in law, his wife and then me beside her.
I was under the impression that the wife sat with her husband?

Jennifer Lane
5 years, 9 months ago

It sounds to me like the order had the “direct” family first (your husband, mother in law and brother in law), followed by spouses. That’s a bit odd, especially since you were left at the end and your sister in law was sitting next to her husband. I can understand why this bugs you.

It’s not necessarily wrong, but I think a better arrangement would have been to have: 1) mother in law, your husband & you, your brother in law and his wife all in the same row, or 2) front row – mother in law, your husband, his brother, and in the row behind would be you and your brother’s wife. Personally, I think #1 is better when the family is close or the spouses (you and your brother’s wife have been in the family for a long time.)

I am assuming your husband was escorting his mother into the church, in which case I would have expected you to walk behind them and not be at the very end.

I’m not sure if the order was discussed and agreed on beforehand or if the funeral director led you in that order. However, agreeing on the family order before the funeral is definitely recommended so that there are no ill feelings after the fact.

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