Sending our Son’s ashes with my Father-In-Law in his casket….

6 years, 9 months ago

My husband just recently lost his Dad and best friend in a tragic logging accident. Our Son was stillborn on 9/10/2014 whom which we had cremated.
We never held an actual memorial for him with close family and friends and it has been weighing on both of us. We wanted it to be just right & with our property still being under development, we didn’t want to do anything until it could be permanent. When my Father-In-Law passed away, immediately my husband said, “Now Dad can take our Baby Home!”. Myself and the rest of the family also felt that was the greatest idea. We would like to put our sons ashes in with my father-in-law’s casket. My husbands family and I all agree that this would be a great tribute including our son. Including, meaning to put our sons urn into my Father-In-Law’s casket. Is this something that is often done or uncommon? His Dad was very well-known in the community and logging industry and we expect a lot of people to attend the funeral; therefore, we were planning to wait to include our sons memory at the graveside ceremony. Is this an uncommon thing, has it been done before, and do you have any tips and or ideas on how to incorporate the two without taking away from his Dad’s Service?! Also, any quotes, poems and or sayings that would incorporate the both of them? For obvious reasons, I am struggling with getting something prepared and written up to have read aloud in two days. Any information, resources, and or recommendations would be greatly appreciated!
Katie A. Davis

Jennifer Lane
6 years, 9 months ago

Hi Katie,

First, we are very sorry for the loss of your husband’s father and friend, as well as your baby just a few short years ago. That’s a lot to handle in just a few years time.

You absolutely can include your son’s ashes in the casket with his grandpa. That is a wonderful idea that I think it will be very comforting to you and your husband. Just let the funeral director know that this is what you wish to do so they know not to close the casket until you have tucked your son’s ashes inside.

I also think that waiting until the graveside service is the right time to honor your son. You should also let the funeral director know of this as well so the service is not concluded before you have your time to celebrate and honor your son.

As for suggested readings for the service, we have some that might feel right on this page:

Scroll to the bottom of the page for “Where the Sidewalk Ends” by Shel Silverstein and “Death is Nothing at All” by Canon Henry Scott-Holland. One of both of those might strike you as appropriate for your son and his grandpa.

I also encourage you to simply speak from the heart for your son – there is no greater poem or quote to properly memorialize him than for you and your husband to speak of what he meant to you and how precious his too short life was. You can also state that you commit him into your father-in-law’s care for the journey home. That would be a very lovely way to end the service.

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