How to Request Donations In Lieu of Flowers

Ways to Encourage Tribute Donations That Reflect Their Legacy

Key Takeaways

“In lieu of flowers” invites guests to give to a cause instead of sending an arrangement — it’s a preference, not a demand.
A request works best when it names one specific organization, includes a direct link, and tells people how to note the gift.
The best charity choice usually reflects how the person lived or how they died, not necessarily the biggest or best-known organization.
If you want a single shareable link for gifts, a dedicated memorial giving page is usually easier for donors than a general request.
Deciding upfront whether funds go to a charity or to the family directly affects both the platform you choose and how donations are taxed.

How to Request Donations in Lieu of Flowers

Why Families Choose Giving Over Flowers

Flowers have been the default response to loss for generations, but they fade within a week. A growing number of families are asking for a gift to a cause their loved one cared about. This might be the hospital that treated them, a shelter where they volunteered, or a scholarship fund at the school where they taught. It might also be a cause or charity that is close to your heart.

It’s a small shift with a real effect. Instead of another arrangement that wilts on a windowsill, guests can carry forward a piece of what someone valued. This guide covers how to make the request clearly. It also covers how to choose a cause that fits and set up a simple way for people to give.

Wording the Request

The phrase “in lieu of flowers” can sound more formal than it needs to. It just means you’re inviting people to redirect what they might have spent on flowers toward a cause instead. A few things make it easier for people to act on:

Name one organization, not a general category. “Donations may be made to the American Heart Association” is easy to act on. “Donations to a charity of your choice” leaves guests guessing.
Include a direct link or mailing address. Include the department or fund name if it’s part of a larger organization.
Tell people how to note the gift, so it’s attributed correctly: “Please note ‘In memory of [Name]’ with your donation.”
Decide in advance whether flowers are still welcome alongside donations. Most families leave the door open to both — the wording below can go either way.

Sample wording for an obituary or program:

“In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to [Charity Name] at [website/address], in memory of [Name].”

“The family requests that donations be made to [Charity Name] rather than sending flowers. Please note ‘In memory of [Name]’ with your gift.”

“In honor of [Name]’s [30] years of teaching, the family has established a scholarship fund at [School]. Gifts of any size are welcome and may be made at [link].”

Choosing a Charity That Fits Their Story

The best choice usually isn’t the biggest or best-known organization. It’s the one most clearly connected to the person’s life. A few starting points:

A cause tied to how they died: a disease research fund, hospice organization, or the hospital or care team that treated them.
A cause tied to how they lived: an alma mater, a place of worship, a veterans’ organization, an animal shelter, an arts program.
A new fund created in their name: a scholarship, a memorial fund at a community foundation, or a fund held by the funeral home itself.

If the person didn’t leave a clear preference, it’s reasonable to choose something the immediate family feels good about. There’s no obligation to find a perfect match — a meaningful connection is enough.

Making It Easy to Give: Setting Up a Page

A single shareable link is often easier for guests than a name-and-address request, especially when people are giving from their phones. If you’d like to set one up, our step-by-step guide to building a memorial giving page walks through choosing a platform, writing the page, and sharing it — most pages take under twenty minutes to build.

One decision worth making before you start: whether the page routes to a registered charity or supports the family directly. That choice affects both which platform makes sense and how the gifts are taxed for donors — the checklist covers this in more detail.

A Note on Taxes

Donations made to a qualified 501(c)(3) charity are generally tax-deductible for the giver, provided they itemize deductions rather than take the standard deduction. Gifts given directly to a family, or to a crowdfunding campaign that supports an individual rather than a registered nonprofit, are usually treated as personal gifts and are not tax-deductible.

For gifts of $250 or more, the IRS requires a written receipt from the charity before you can claim the deduction. If you’re ever unsure whether an organization qualifies, the IRS Tax Exempt Organization Search is a quick way to check.

This is general information, not tax advice — anyone with questions about their specific situation should check with a tax professional.

Tracking Gifts and Saying Thank You

Keeping a simple record as donations come in — who gave, and through which organization if it’s not automatically reported — makes thank-you notes much easier to manage later, when there’s more emotional bandwidth for it.

There’s no single correct way to acknowledge gifts. Some families send individual thank-you notes as they’re able to. Others post one public message of gratitude after the service. Either approach is appropriate — the goal is something sustainable, not something perfect.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does “in lieu of flowers” mean?

“In lieu of flowers” means the family is asking guests to donate instead of sending flowers, usually to a specific charity named in the obituary. It’s a preference, not a strict rule — a modest arrangement is still generally acceptable alongside a donation.

How do I word a donation request in an obituary?

Name the specific organization, include a direct link or address, and tell people how to note the gift — for example, “please note ‘In memory of [Name]’ with your donation.” See the sample wording above for ready-to-use examples.

What if we don’t have a specific charity in mind?

You can invite guests to give to a charity of their choice, though naming at least one specific organization tends to make it easier for people to act on the request rather than leaving them to decide on their own.

Should I set up a donation page or list a charity’s name?

A page with a single link is often easier for guests, especially when sharing digitally, and lets you track who gave. Listing the charity’s name and mailing information works fine too — it just puts a bit more legwork on the giver.

Are donations made in someone’s memory tax-deductible?

Donations to a qualified charity are generally deductible for donors who itemize. Gifts made directly to a family or a personal fundraiser typically are not, since they aren’t gifts to a registered nonprofit.

Putting Their Wishes in Writing

Charitable preferences are one more thing worth capturing before they’re needed, alongside burial or cremation wishes and service details. The Funeralwise After Me Planner gives you a place to note a cause or organization you’d want honored, so your family isn’t left guessing which charity would have meant the most to you. The Quick Plan is free and takes just a few minutes.

For guidance on giving a memorial donation as a guest — how much, what to write, and how to let the family know — see Donation Etiquette When Someone Passes: What to Give and How. For a full walkthrough of building a giving page, see How to Set Up a Memorial Giving Page.

Sources

Emily Post Institute — Funeral Etiquette: Donations in Lieu of Flowers · Internal Revenue Service — Charitable Contribution Deductions (Publication 526) · IRS — Charitable Contribution Substantiation and Disclosure Requirements (Publication 1771)

Contributors:

Rick Paskin, Managing Director and former funeral home and cemetery executive.

Molly Gorny, Director of Digital Marketing and author of 100+ funeral industry articles and blog posts.

Last Reviewed and Updated by Molly Gorny: 08/19/2026