Jennifer Lane
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You are very welcome, and I wish you and your family the best as you continue to deal with a tough situation.
Hello,
First of all, I am very sorry for the loss of your father. Please accept our condolences – we know this is a difficult time for you and your family.
To answer your question, I would say that I am surprised that the cemetery did not require a vault for the burial. Most cemeteries do and let me explain why.
The vault is not so much intended to protect the casket as it to keep the ground level over time. When a burial needs to be made, cemeteries typically use heavy equipment (such as a backhoe) to dig the grave, or mowing equipment to maintain the grass in the summer. That equipment exerts a certain amount of pressure on the ground, which can cause the casket to give way and the surface of the ground to dip over time. The vault does offer the casket some limited protection, but it is not guaranteed to keep the casket unharmed over time. Because vaults are usually made of concrete, it is a stronger material to stabilize the ground around the casket, and so it helps to keep the surface of the ground level even years after the burial.
If the cemetery did not require the vault, then I would guess they use other means (maybe less heavy equipment) to maintain the cemetery or simply just make the use of a vault optional for the family. Some smaller city or church cemeteries, for example, do not all require vaults to be used.
You can request the cemetery to do a disinterment and place your father’s casket into a vault that you would purchase and then bury him again, but be aware that there will be cost involved. A disinterment is what it is called when you re-open or dig up a grave, and it does require a disinterment permit (usually obtained by the funeral home or cemetery). There is also a fee that will be charged for both the disinterment and the reinterment (to re-bury your father.)
You could also contact the funeral director who handled your father’s service to ask some questions and get some help with this if you decide to move forward. You should be able to get pricing information before you make the decision to do this. (Also, I believe that when the funeral director asked about a vault while you were planning your father’s funeral, you likely thought he was asking about a mausoleum crypt. That is where the casket goes into a slot in a wall and no vault is needed.)
I really hope this helps with some of the education you were looking for, but please feel free to reply if you have any other questions and we’ll do our best to help.
Kind Regards,
JenniferThere is not any rule that I am aware of for which sibling should receive the cross. I would base it on who finds the most significance or meaning in the cross.
If all 5 siblings equally want it, then you could do one of a couple of things. You could share it, meaning each of you possess it for a length of time and then pass it to the next sibling. You could also determine it by birth order where the oldest receives the cross, or give it to the sibling who was most responsible for the end of life care and funeral planning of the parent.
Hi Linda.
This is a good question you ask and the answer is “yes”, but let me explain the 2 reasons why there might be an additional charge for full dates.
One reason is that the companies who manufacture the niche plaque (also known as a niche plate) can and do prefabricate the year, so for example, they have 1940 and 1980 pre-made before orders are ever placed and so those 4 digits for birth and death are usually included in the price of the plaque/plate when you purchase it.
To have the full dates, this is a custom order as there would not be any pre-made dates that include the month and day. This would be the case for a niche plaque that uses screws to attach the birth and death dates which are usually separate small rectangular plates.
The second reason for an additional charge is that if the niche plaque is all one piece, meaning no small plates are attached by screws for the dates, then additional charges (by the manufacturer, usually a bronze company) would apply for the full dates because there are more digits (letters, numbers) involved.
I hope this was helpful, but please reply if you have any further questions.
Hello –
Our staff did some digging around but did not find anything specific to 3rd generation German-Americans regarding funeral register books. However, we have a few guesses that might explain why only 1 sibling’s name was in the book:
Guess 1: Perhaps some of the relatives didn’t sign because they figured their presence would be remembered or assumed because of their position in the family, so they didn’t think signing would be necessary. Or similarly, maybe the 1 sibling signed as a representative for the others.
Guess 2: Perhaps the book was set in a place that wasn’t easy to see and the relatives missed it.
Guess 3: Perhaps they really weren’t there for one reason or another, maybe an illness kept them from coming.
Guess 4: Perhaps they did sign it, but changed their name afterwards. This guess is based on the fact that many people of German descent did adjust their names to sound more American during and after World War II, although if there was some name changing that happened, you would probably already know that.
Hi Rick,
Will your wife also be attending the burial and luncheon? If so, then it is proper for you to attend with her. I would focus on being there as a way of showing your support for the family during this difficult time, and certainly your wife would appreciate you being there for her sake.
I understand the uneasiness in feeling like you are adding expense to the family by attending the luncheon (the cost person is usually not over $10 per person), but the priority in these situations is doing what is helpful or brings comfort to the grieving family. Since this is your wife’s side of the family, I would definitely recommend that you attend with her especially if she wants you there.
I hope this helps, and my condolences to your wife and her family on their loss.
I am glad this was helpful to you, and hope you are able to find some answers.
As for your question, purchasing burial insurance for your Aunt at this point probably won’t help you much. Burial policies almost always have what is called a “graded death benefit” which means that the face value of the policy won’t pay out in full until the policy has been in force for a certain period of time, usually 2 to 3 years depending on the age of the insured. If death occurred in under 2 years, the policy generally only pays out the premiums paid in.
Also, she would likely be declined for insurance coverage due to her age and being in a care facility.
For these reasons, I believe it would be much better for you to start setting aside any sum of money you can in a savings account rather than pursue insurance for her. Some funeral homes may offer payment arrangements for their services (it certainly wouldn’t hurt to ask if you contact one) but if she will be buried in a cemetery, be aware that it is standard practice that cemetery require charges be paid prior to the burial.
I certainly wish I had better answers for you, but you are definitely helping yourself by looking into this now.
Hello,
I am sorry to hear that your Aunt is declining in health. I also understand the challenges of being out of state and trying to be prepared with little information to go on. I have a few suggestions for you, and not sure if all would apply but I’ll offer them and see if any are useful to you.• The care facility she is in may have some information, depending on her financial situation when she was admitted there. However, they may be reluctant give information to any person not previously authorized to receive it. If you have any idea if her costs for the facility are being covered by state resources (such as Medicaid) then it is unlikely she has any significant policies, as Medicaid usually prohibits ownership of anything with cash value.
• Is there anyone assisting your Aunt (family, friend) locally? If so, that person may know enough or have access to her important papers to indicate to you if there are any insurance policies, or not.
• If she retired from a company, it is possible part of her retirement includes a death benefit to be paid to her beneficiary at the time of death.
• Do you know where she will be buried (or cremated), and if she owns any cemetery spaces? If so, you could contact that cemetery to see what costs will be involved and see what she perhaps has paid in advance.
• Along with that, you could contact the funeral home you think you will use and get their price list and/or speak with a funeral director so there are no surprises there. This will help you to know the amount of money that will be needed to for her final expenses.
I hope this helps a little, and I wish you the best as you and your family go through this process.
Hi Stefano,
I am responding to your last question on Jenny’s behalf. In the US, once a grave space is sold (or more technically, the “right of interment” as the person never owns the dirt) that is permanent as long as all required fees have been paid. If a person is buried in a space, that is also permanent.
For example, if the purchase of the space is done preneed, a person can usually pay this over terms up to 60 months. If death occurs prior to the space being paid in full, the cemetery would require payment of the balance prior to opening the grave.
If the same person bought 4 spaces (known as an “owner”) but only used 1 over time, the remaining 3 spaces would still remain owned by the owner, or their heirs if the person is deceased. At any time after the space is paid in full, the owner can sell their spaces to another party if they wish. Sometimes, unwanted spaces can be sold back to the cemetery if the cemetery is running low on space inventory.
It is very unusual here for anyone to ever be exhumed because a length of time has past. (Rare cases have occurred where very old cemeteries – no burials for 100+ years – have been discovered in areas where a city may want to do development. It is quite a lengthy process for a city to get approval to exhume old grave sites for development purposes, so it doesn’t happen very often at all.
Of course, this leads to a common problem in well established cemeteries here. They get “land-locked”, where they have no more capacity for interments. At this point, a land-locked cemetery would become one that is maintained only, by the perpetual care funds collected over the years.
Typically you would list the oldest child first, followed by the next oldest and so on. Then, the grandchildren would be listed in the same order as the parents. For example, “he is survived by his son, James and daughter, Sarah; grandchildren, Andrew, Melissa, Ashley and Rose. He was preceded in death by his son, Robert.”
In this scenario, Andrew & Melissa are the children of James, and Ashley is the daughter of Sarah. Rose is the daughter of Robert.
I hope this helps – let us know if you have any further questions.
The rule of thumb is to be respectful when a funeral procession crosses your path. If you are driving, pull over to the side of the side until the procession passes. If you are standing, as you ask, then remain where you are. If you are wearing a hat, remove your hat until the procession has passed. Hands should be clasped in front with your head slightly down. Don’t stare at the line of cars or wave at the people in the vehicles.
For more information, please see this article: https://www.funeralwise.com/learn/procession/
As long as your husband’s ex-wife is fine with you attending, then you should go and pay your respects since you had a relationship with the ex-mother-in-law.
The important aspect to remember is that you do not ever want to do anything that would upset the family of the deceased. If there is any chance your presence would be distressing to the immediate family, then you should not attend.
You generally can sell cemetery spaces to any person who wants to buy them. In some cases, the cemetery where you own the spaces may be interested in repurchasing them from you and your brother.
With 104 spaces, you would likely sell to several individuals as families today don’t need more than 2 or 4 spaces. You would need to be able to prove that you and your brother have the deed to the spaces in order to complete a transfer of ownership of a space to another person (this you would handle with the owner/operator of the cemetery at the time you have a buyer for the spaces. The cemetery will not need to know what price you sold them for, they just need to do the paperwork to transfer ownership and there is usually a fee of around $50 for that.) You can advertise anywhere you would advertise to sell something…local newspaper, craigslist, etc.
I would also suggest that you call the cemetery and ask if they would be interested in repurchasing some or all of them. A cemetery typically will not offer to pay more than what was originally paid for the spaces, but this may be a quick and easy way to get them off your hands.
Yes, you can send flowers to the church the day before. However, I would highly recommend that you call the church first to make sure someone will be there to accept delivery of the flowers on the day you want to have them delivered.
Hi Patty,
First, I’m very sorry for the loss of your mother in law. Obituaries can be complicated to write and in the case of divorce, you also have to decide on whether or not to include former family members based on the nature of the relationship. Generally, an ex in-law would not be considered a survivor for obituary purposes unless the relationship remained good or the rest of the family felt it was appropriate to include the individual.
If there are children of the ex sister-in-law that need to be included, you could list survivors this way:
“Surviving are……her son, Joe Smith and his children with Mary, Sarah Smith and Mark Smith.”
In this example, Joe is the son of the deceased and Mary is the ex-wife of Joe. Or, you can exclude Mary and say “Surviving are…..her son, Joe Smith; grandchildren, Sarah Smith and Mark Smith.”
Ultimately, you need to go with what the next of kin wants. If your mother-in-law’s children want to include the ex sister-in-law, then include her. If not, then don’t.
I hope this is helpful to you – just reply if you have any further questions.
