Jennifer Lane
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
You typically list relationships and children in order, so we suggest keeping it simple with something like:
He is survived by his wife, Suzy, and their son, Adam, and his longtime partner, Jane, and their son, Paul.
How incredibly kind of you to want to help the family of a man who clearly left a lasting impression on you in this way. The best path to get your question answered (and still try to remain anonymous) is to inquire at the cemetery where the gentleman is buried.
Most cemeteries require the property owner’s permission to place a marker on the grave, so the family will definitely need to be contacted for that reason, plus they should also be able to decide what style and text goes on the marker. Perhaps if you explain to the cemetery your intentions, they will hopefully be willing to a) give you an idea of the actual cost of a marker, foundation and installation costs for the various styles they will allow on the grave, and then b) contact the family to let them know an anonymous offer has been made to purchase a permanent memorial for their loved one’s grave, then handle it from there and simply send you the bill to pay.
We certainly wish you the best in this effort and hope the cemetery is willing to help you do this and remain anonymous, if possible.
Regarding your question about the children of your uncle having a say in what happens to their father’s remains – it depends. Are these children adults? If so, quite often but not always the “order” of the next of kin would have the adult children of the deceased ahead of the siblings of the deceased.
However, this can vary by state, so we definitely recommend that you check for your state’s specific laws regarding legal next of kin. This would be the state where your uncle lives. Once you get clarity on that, then you are correct in speaking to the cemetery about their requirements for the 2nd Right of Interment.
Hi David,
You are correct in that the Travel Plan on our site would not be the best option here, as it is designed for frequent travelers. We aren’t aware of another plan that would that would work for your situation, but we do recommend that you contact the funeral home in Mississippi to see what travel arrangements they can offer for your needs.
Since you were still married at the time he passed away, you would be considered his surviving spouse and legal next of kin. The most important issue here is that there is agreement for him to be cremated. While you have the right to authorize cremation and disposition of his remains as his legal next of kin, it sounds like a very delicate family situation where it is definitely recommended that his mother and brother are in agreement with him being cremated.
As for the memorial service, perhaps the best thing here is to plan it with his mother and let her make some decisions about it. Ultimately, you want a service that celebrates his life so maybe planning that with his mother and brother would be the best way to handle it.
I am sorry to hear about your friend’s husband. It is often difficult to attend funerals that are out of state since they held with short notice, and most people understand when people cannot attend for that reason.
If you feel like your friend is expecting you to be there on Wednesday, then I would simply talk to her and let her you know it is not possible to make the trip but that you will be supporting her and will be there for her as she deals with her grief in the days ahead. Also, check to see if the funeral home will be live streaming the funeral service – that is quite common since Covid.
Your sister is correct in that it is called a “2nd Right of Interment” and that all the next of kin of the property owners must approve this. Since your parents are the original property owners and both are deceased and interred in those spaces, that does mean that all 5 of you must authorize any 2nd interment in those spaces.
That being said – she cannot do this unless all 5 of you authorize it. One thing to be aware of is that cemeteries typically limit additional interments in a grave to 1. With 2 grave spaces, they likely will only allow 2 sets of cremated remains (1 in each grave).
It sounds like the best way to proceed is to discuss this request with your other siblings, since they will also have to approve as well. It is valid to be concerned about what your parents would have wanted, but do discuss your feelings with your family. If you all do come to agreement to approve this, your sister will enter into a contract with the cemetery where they will charge her a fee for the 2nd Right of Interment and also require signatures from all 5 of you for that to be valid.
For the timeline of your father’s life, I would simply list the marriages (the year and to who), but not the divorces. For example:
“He married Sarah Smith in 19XX and… In 19XX, he married Jane Jones….”
I hope that is helpful to you. Please also accept our condolences on the loss of your father.
That is certainly a tough loss for the parents of this child, and we certainly offer our sympathies to this family.
Go Fund Me is a very good way for the family to collect donations from family, friends, and kindhearted people like yourself. However, be aware that costs to transport a body to another country are rather expensive – and likely to range somewhere between $9,000 and $14,000 from the US to Central America. There are a lot of variables that make up the cost, so it could be more and could be less. The funeral home in Indiana would have the exact cost, and hopefully the family or whoever is organizing the Go Fund Me for them will update the fund details with the amount that the family needs to bury their daughter in their home country.
Hi Bryant,
Sounds like you need a business plan – which in addition to determining your pricing, also involves some market research and as well as the value of the service you will provide and how you stack up against any competitors.
It sounds like with your past experience, you have a great story to tell to get your foot in the door with a local funeral home (I’d pick one that is family-owned to start with, as the corporate-owned firms typically have little ability to decide who they contract with for services.)
See if you can get a meeting to let them know who you are, maybe find out what the firm finds lacking in their current transport service and how you can fill that gap. You’ll have to do some research on pricing – perhaps check several of the area’s funeral home’s General Price List to see what they charge the family for “Transportation of Remains to Funeral Home” – that might be a good place to start.
There is also a book on Amazon that might be helpful (we haven’t read it, so this isn’t a recommendation). You’ll find the link to that book in the answer we gave a while back to a similar question in our Forums: https://www.funeralwise.com/forums/topic/permits-need-mortuary-transportation/
I hope that helps – and good luck!
You are not required to purchase the vault or urn from the funeral home. Just make sure the outer dimensions of the urn vault will fit in the intended resting place.
We think that if you can come up with the second line and your funeral provider is on board, then you can have a second line funeral anywhere. These of course are popular in New Orleans and you can read our article about that here: https://www.funeralwise.com/customs/neworleans/
Most cemeteries do allow for cremated remains to be interred in the same grave of a full burial. There are fees involved such as the cost of purchasing a “2nd right of interment” (the right to bury a 2nd set of remains in the same space), as well as the fee to do the burial.
I would recommend that you contact the catholic cemetery and find out what all they require for this. There may be paperwork to do as well. For example – if you have any siblings that would be also be next of kin to your parents, they may need to get permission from them to allow the 2nd burial in the grave.
Generally, you would call the person’s doctor who will need to officially pronounce the death for the death certificate, or contact the on-call nurse with hospice if under hospice care. Then you would contact a funeral home to come and remove the body.
You only need to call the police if the death at home was due to unknown circumstances or unattended.
For additional information see our page about what to do when someone dies.
Perhaps the cemetery was referring to the crypt being sealed – as the crypt itself is sealed after the casket is placed inside. Otherwise, I am not aware of a requirement for a sealed casket going into a crypt.
As for a zinc lined casket – if you can locate one to purchase, then you can certainly consider that as your final decision.
We aren’t able to give specific recommendations for products, but we do try to help you learn so you can make the best decision for your needs and I cannot think of anything else to offer in that regard. I know you have been really trying to find peace with your decision, so I do hope you are able to achieve that.
